I thought December went far too quickly. I enjoyed looking at the lights and decorations, pondering the mystery of Christ’s birth and the meaning of the Incarnation. It is a wonderful time of the year and I’d like to have slowed down time so I could savor it longer.

Most of us go through periods in our lives we wish could just be over. Sickness, mourning, financial difficulties, even less serious things, like exercise, all cause us to want the pain to end. At the end of one of my workouts, one enjoyable stretch position puts me on the floor, on my knees with my arms extended. The workout leader says: “You can pray now – thank God it’s over!” I always come back with: “Thank God I can still do this!”

I’m learning not to wish away even the difficult parts of life, not that I enjoy pain or problems, it’s just that coming out on the other side feels so good. We can look back to see lessons learned and God’s work for our good. Granted, some problems don’t go away. Remember the song that says: “If that’s all there is my friend, then let’s keep dancing”? “Let’s break out the booze and have a ball, if that’s all there is.” Certain difficulties and hurts won’t be solved in this life, so it’s good to remember this isn’t all there is. A time is coming when God will wipe away the tears and make everything right.

Gratitude and hope can help us get through life without wishing the bad parts away. Being thankful, even in and through the hard parts, makes life richer and stronger. Remembering the hope we have in Christ gives us a reason to keep going, to get through the pain and not let it break us. One of my favorite movie lines is from Steel Magnolias: “That which doesn’t kill us makes us stronger.” We grow in and through the trials. Our faith and trust in God are strengthened. We look forward even more to the new heaven and new earth.

As a child, when I wanted something to be over, my mom always told me not to wish my life away. Now I’m at the age I’d love to have back some of the time I so ungratefully wished away.

How often do you wish for things to end? Are you wishing your life away or enjoying the ride? Perhaps we should wait to say thank God it’s over for the very end, when we cross the finish line and win the race.

I looked around at the lights on my staircase, thinking of the Light of the world; at the tree with the blinking angel, announcing the birth of Jesus and at the nativity scene on the table, portraying the night of his birth. Christmas certainly isn’t about the rush to put gifts under the tree; it’s the celebration of the birth of our Savior.

Yes, I’ll do a little shopping, because I love giving gifts to my immediate family and a few close friends. I’ll be making Christmas cards and gifts for my bowling league, baking, singing and enjoying the lights and sounds of the season. But I’ll try and keep my focus on the reason for the season.

The problem is how to do it when all the voices around us are intent on getting us to focus on spending money we may not have on presents people don’t really need and will take back after Christmas. Focusing on Jesus is getting harder every year.

So how do we remember the reason for the season? One thing I’m doing is a reading plan of scriptures leading up to Jesus’ birth that includes comments and questions for contemplation. The other is to try not to get caught up in activities that have no bearing on the real meaning of Christmas. It’s difficult as the distractions of the season shout, while the Holy Spirit tends to whisper.

Jesus came into this world quietly, with no more fanfare than a silent star and no audience except a few smelly shepherds. The wise men didn’t show up until much later, even though they are always included in nativity sets. He grew up unknown and for the most part unremarkable, at least to outside eyes. When he began his ministry, those who knew him scoffed because he was that carpenter’s son – certainly no one to be worshiped.

Jesus goes about his business quietly today too. The Holy Spirit doesn’t shout at people, he works in the background, leading and guiding, giving support and comfort, loving us and then letting his love flow to others. The Holy Spirit is behind the scenes of Christmas too, even though materialism tries to drown out the message. We can keep Christ in Christmas if we can learn to shut out the hype and sales pitches and remember what it’s all about – the Creator becoming one of the created so the created could become one with the Creator.

None of us likes to be alone, at least not in the true sense. Our friends and families give us a sense of belonging and the comfort of help in time of need. Sometimes even the presence of strangers can be comforting. It’s a bit unnerving to walk into a place that should be filled with people to find it empty. It makes you wonder if a movie-type disaster of some kind occurred and you’re the only one left!

In reality, we are never alone. We often pray for God to be with us or with others, but it’s not necessary if we remember he is always with us. Jesus lives his life in the hearts of believers so there’s never a time when his presence isn’t closer than a breath or heartbeat. I’ve stopped praying for God to be with those for whom I’m praying, as I realize he’s already there, loving and taking care of them. It would be sad indeed if God had to wait for us to pray before he could intervene in people’s lives.

What about those who claim to have gone through a long, dark night of the soul? Even though we can’t argue with experience, we can question the premise that would lead people to believe God has abandoned them. Does God leave us on our own for periods of time to teach lessons or test us? If he truly lives in us, how could this happen? Our lives are completely intertwined with his and couldn’t be separated without our complete and utter decimation! Just as a parent wouldn’t leave a child alone to cry and flounder helplessly, neither does God leave us alone. The Holy Spirit teaches us by leading and guiding, not by abandoning us to our own devices and the pitfalls of life.

But what about Jesus? some will ask. Didn’t God desert him at his most vulnerable and when he needed his Father most? Jesus asked, “My God, my God why have you forsaken me?” (NIV throughout). These were the first words of Psalm 22, which the Jews would have known – and they also would have known the rest. Verse 24 says: “For he has not despised or scorned the suffering of the afflicted one; he has not hidden his face from him but has listened to his cry for help.”

God did not abandon Jesus on the cross. He was right there with him as he took on all the sin of the world. He never abandons us, not even for short periods. He truly is God with us – all the time.

It means “in my humble opinion” and when people use it, including myself, I always wonder about the humble part. Perhaps adding the H to IMO (in my opinion) helps lessen the sting of what could be perceived as criticism.

Because humility is often seen as weakness and an attitude that won’t get anyone ahead in this world, arrogance is desired and even applauded. Humility and meekness are traits of servants and pastors, not business people and certainly not politicians. Anyone displaying humility is quickly dismissed by more savvy folks.

In his book, Hearing God, Dallas Willard gives his “fail-safe recipe” for achieving humility: don’t pretend to be what you are not; don’t presume a favorable position for yourself in any respect; and don’t push or try to override the will of others. He says try it for a month – money-back guarantee if it doesn’t work. Money-back guarantee? Maybe not, but the advice is definitely sound.

The opposite of each of these ingredients in Willard’s recipe is rampant in society today. How many of us pretend to be what we are not, at least some of the time? People have always misrepresented themselves, and it’s getting worse because of the anonymity of the Internet.

Jockeying for the best position – isn’t that what makes the world go around? Jesus reprimanded the Pharisees for continually seeking the best places for themselves. Even the mother of the Zebedee boys got in on the act, asking if her sons could be at the top, next to Jesus in his kingdom (Matthew 20:20-21).

As for the last point, the world is full of those who manipulate, control and override the will of others.

I can’t even imagine a world where humility is the rule of the day rather than arrogance and entitlement. How refreshing to be around honest, genuine people and not wonder if they are merely presenting a façade to get something from you.

Jesus had something to say about presuming a favorable position, didn’t he? It’s always better to take the lower place and be promoted than to take the first place and be demoted. Besides making you feel better, you avoid hurt feelings and looking stupid.

Paul said in Philippians 2 that we should have the same attitude as Jesus and value others above ourselves, with a servant-like attitude toward everyone. What a contrast to the prevalent me-first attitude. The New Testament is full of “one another” statements, like 1 Peter 3:8: “Finally, all of you, be likeminded, be sympathetic, love one another, be compassionate and humble” (NIV).

We often fear humility because it seems we will lessen or lose ourselves. We fear if we don’t funnel attention to ourselves, no one will notice us. But in Christ, we don’t need to fear humility. In him, we are more ourselves, more who we are and never less. Through his greatness and lowliness, we are complete. And that’s not just IMHO, it’s the truth.

Now that I’ve mastered downloading, I’ve been listening to podcasts and recordings of conference presentations while I walk. One speech by Amy Warren Hilliker, Rick and Kay Warren’s daughter, gave helpful information about surviving time in the wilderness. She talked about the Israelites who weren’t allowed to walk around the wilderness but had to go through it and how our lives are often like that. We have to go through the difficult times even though we wish and pray we can somehow go around, over or under them.

Hilliker gave five points to help us go through these times of wandering in our own wilderness: seek solitude, practice contemplation, create community, pursue service and surrender to Jesus. This is nothing new but it’s nice to be reminded sometimes, isn’t it?

When we hear someone talk about silence and solitude, most of us nod our heads and think, yes, I need to do that. How many of us have good intentions but never seem to get around to spending quiet time with God? We need to put it on the calendar and give it priority. Just you and him, in real solitude and silence, taking time to contemplate God and his ways.

We need real friends, garbage friends, as speaker Kathleen Hart calls them. Maybe we should go back to simpler times, when women got together to wash their clothes in the river. Wait, not that far back! We can still wash clothes in the machine, but the talking together would be great. When was the last time you and a friend solved the world’s problems over tea or coffee? Or even chatted online? Community and service keep us in touch with the people in our lives. Distance is no problem now. Get together with someone soon.

And then there’s surrender. Most of us like to be in control, even though we know we don’t have much control over most things in our lives. When we worry, we think we’re exerting control, when we’re only causing stress to ourselves and those around us. It takes time, but surrendering to God means we learn—sometimes the hard way—to depend on him and not on our own power. We learn to choose joy instead of worry and let him take care of what we know deep down we can’t control.

Our difficulties and trials must be faced, head on, no going around them. Practicing these five things can help us enjoy the wonders of the wilderness and be thankful God knows the way through. Just follow him.

I’ve noticed it’s easier not to have expectations of people I don’t know well than of family and friends. I didn’t know why until I read the conversation in chapter 14 of The Shack (“Verbs and Other Freedoms”). Papa, Sarayu, Jesus and Mack are discussing how God is a verb – “alive, dynamic, ever active, and moving.” Papa surprises Mack by saying she has no expectations of him and goes on to explain: “Honey, I’ve never placed an expectation on you or anyone else. The idea behind expectations requires that someone does not know the future or outcome and is trying to control behavior to get the desired result. Humans try to control behavior largely through expectations.”

Papa then tells him what she does have: “a constant and living expectancy in our relationship.”

What a beautiful way to describe the relationship we have with God. Rather than having the expectation that we will live up to his standard of perfection, which he knows we can never do, and then being disappointed in us, he lives in a state of expectancy, of simply being together and enjoying what happens next.

The opposite can also be true: rather than having expectations of God, as we know him better and trust him more, we can live in expectancy with him, enjoying his presence and our relationship. This would lessen our anger and disappointment with him, as we sometimes try to control him with our prayers and other manipulations.

And what if we applied this to our friends and family? I would love to be able to let go of my expectations (read: efforts to control) and simply be. How many marriages and families would benefit from leaving expectations behind to live in positive, happy expectancy? As much as I would like to live this way, as I look over my relationships, it seems impossible. As I mentioned earlier, with friends it may happen from time to time, but from those we know best, we seem to expect more.

Expectations change a living relationship into a dead thing with rules and requirements, but as Sarayu (the Holy Spirit) told Mack: with friends, “there is an expectancy that exists within our relationship. When we see each other or are apart, there is expectancy of being together, of laughing and talking. It is alive and dynamic.”

Letting go of our expectations to live in trusting, wide-eyed and hopeful expectancy with God and our friends and family sounds like more fun than trying to control everyone with our expectations, doesn’t it?

Our eyes don’t like imperfection. We can spot and reject imperfections subconsciously, in anything or anyone. We won’t buy clothing if it has stains or tears. We reject fruit with bruises and cans with dents. We often pass up people who look ragged or dirty, even though as Christians we are admonished to see all as equal and valued.

Our eyes like perfection. We seek out the beautiful, symmetrical and pleasing. We even call ourselves perfectionists when we want everything to be just right and won’t settle for less than perfect. This is often no more than a mask for pride.

Nothing is perfect, however, and searching for perfection can become not only an exercise in futility but also idol worship. It can become an obsession and lead to frustration, heartache and even death. How many women have gone in search of the perfect body through plastic surgery with less than desirable and even horrible results?

Perfection isn’t attainable in this world, but if we are aware, we can see bits of perfection every day. I experience it in my first cup of tea every morning, in the flowers blooming in my yard and in the smiles of those I love. But these little bits of perfection disappear so quickly I’m reminded of how our lives are like a mist (James 4:14) or like the wild flowers that bloom for one day and are gone (Luke 12:28).

I believe the longing for perfection and beauty, just as the longing for eternity, was put in our hearts by God. Ecclesiastes 3:11 (NIV) says: “He has made everything beautiful in its time. He has also set eternity in the human heart; yet no one can fathom what God has done from beginning to end.” This desire can be satisfied only by him, as he is the only one who is perfection and beauty, and eternity is in him.

How do we let God satisfy this longing? He gave us Jesus, who is the exact representation of himself. Jesus shows us the way to the Father. Living in Christ, having our being and purpose wrapped up in his being and purpose and sharing in the relationship he enjoys with the Father, brings us as close to his perfection as we can get in this life.

God is perfect (Matthew 5:48) and everything about him is perfect: his way (Psalm 18:30), his works (Deuteronomy 32:4), his knowledge (Job 37:16), his law (Psalm 19:7), his peace (Isaiah 26:3) and his will (Romans 12:2). Jesus is also perfect (Hebrews 2:10, 5:9 and 7:28) and through him we can share in his perfection (Hebrews 10:14, 11:40 and 12:23).

It’s no use looking for perfection in this fallen world, but looking to God’s perfection will always give us joy and satisfy our hungry hearts.

And what’s the best way to pray? On your knees, sitting down, walking, standing in line at the store or, as someone said, hanging on the edge of a cliff?

Some people’s prayers have superstitions attached, so they rationalize away the wrong answers, believing they didn’t pray correctly, blaming themselves. Others question God or blame him when they don’t receive the answers they want. Still others use unanswered prayer as an excuse to stop believing in God.

I have no illusions about being a prayer warrior and continue to question myself and God about this much discussed topic. Not long ago I read Is Your Lord Large Enough? by Peter J. Schakel, and his observations have helped me along on my path of understanding.

The first: it helps to have a good understanding (as much as possible) of who God is. I believe this is where many start off on the wrong foot. Preconceived ideas, keeping God in a little box with a nice wrapping, superstitions and misconceptions get in the way of powerful and effective prayers (James 5:16b, NIV). Of course we can’t help but have these hindrances to prayer as long as we’re human, but we can be aware of them and with the help of the Holy Spirit, learn to let God be God. As Aslan said to Lucy in Prince Caspian (C.S. Lewis): “Every year you grow, you will find me bigger.”

He is love and wants relationship; he is merciful and kind and his will takes our prayers into account because he is the God who sees and hears us (Genesis 16:13).

The second: prayer is the process of entering and being in God’s presence. In reality we are always in his presence. He lives in the believer and is always with us, but we are not always aware of him. That’s why a monk named Brother Lawrence coined the phrase, “practicing the presence of God.”  We are the ones who need to remember he’s here and practice awareness of him by turning our thoughts toward him and praying during our daily activities.

It also helps to remember God is always listening. In a book called Whole Prayer, Walt Wangerin says his listening precedes our praying, so that we pray into a divine and merciful awareness. There’s never a time God is not listening and the very fact he listens is what turns talking into praying.

The Holy Spirit hears our moans and the cries of our hearts and turns them into prayers to the Father, so it’s of no consequence if our feeble efforts remain just that. The one to whom we pray is more important than what or how we pray. So maybe prayer isn’t so difficult to understand after all.

Zambia Retreat 2011

Victoria Retreat 4-11

New Hope Breakfast 1-11